Writer tells all in new book about WWE and boss Vince McMahon: ‘Learn to eat a s–t sandwich’

In 2005, pro-wrestler Roddy Piper shouted “bulls–t” on a segment with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin during WrestleMania 21.

It seemed like a minor issue, but WWE boss Vince McMahon was furious. He had given Piper specific instructions not to curse, as doing so could potentially set the WWE’s reputation back for years.

Behind the scenes, McMahon rose from his chair, ripped off his headset and slammed it down, before, ironically, dropping a series of f-bombs himself.

“WWE had moved beyond the raunchy content they were criticized for in the past, and here’s Roddy yelling ‘Bullsh–t!’ in the middle of the ring on the biggest show of the year,” former lead WWE writer Brian Gewirtz says in his new book “There’s Just One Problem,” out Tuesday.

In it, Gewirtz, who worked at WWE from 1999 to 2015, gives a revealing look inside the wrestling world and the hardball management style of an embattled former CEO known for strange foibles such as despising sneezing and giraffes.

Here are some of the wackiest reveals from his new book.

Working for McMahon

Vince McMahon is alleged to have been aggressive towards his team. He reportedly told them to get used to eating a “s–t sandwich,” according to a new memoir. He is seen with The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar.PA Images via Getty Images

McMahon — who suddenly left WWE this summer — paid a reported $14.6 million in hush money to multiple women who had alleged that he committed sexual misconduct between 2006 and 2022. In his book, Gerwitz recalls his own experiences grappling with the wrestling titan.

“I’ve found a lot of the Vince stories percolating over the years from ex-employees to be accurate — you’re always on call, there’s not a ton of sleep, there is no ‘sick,'” he writes.

The phrase, “Sometimes you need to learn to eat a s–t sandwich and like the taste of it,” was a favorite of his boss.

One miscue — he hated employees who wore “dungarees,” for example — could ruin a worker in the eyes of McMahon.

“Some say working one year for Vince McMahon is like working four years for any other boss as far as the stress level goes… Just when you think you’re in his good graces, one ill-timed reaction, facial expression or offhand remark can throw your entire relationship into a tailspin.”

The strained duo hit their breaking point in 2010 when Gewirtz proposed writing some jokes for wrestler the Miz to fire off about Miami Heat stars Dwyane Wade and LeBron James, who had just joined the team, for a show in South Florida. In a room filled with executives, McMahon chewed out Gewirtz for suggesting the Miz call James “Dwyane Wade’s sidekick.”

McMahon was “disgusted” with Gewirtz for suggesting the idea, not out of respect for the NBA champ, but because he felt the audience didn’t follow other sports.

John Cena is dealt another blow by Edge during WWE RAW in 2006.WireImage

Gewirtz then got a major earful from his boss — who he says had no clue who Wade even was. And when he asked McMahon why they were having a “two person debate” rather than hearing from the rest of the room, “Vince slammed his hand on the table. ‘I’m not talking to them, I’m talking to you!'” he bellowed.

Things ultimately boiled down to a battle of egos, Gewirtz recalled.

What McMahon was really saying was, “You’re openly defying your boss and trying to show me up in front of a room full of my trusted employees. Who in the holy f–k do you think you are?”

Gewirtz ultimately left WWE in the summer of 2015 to join Dwayne Johnson’s Seven Bucks Productions company.

Wrestlers court

Decisions written by Brian Gewirtz came under fire from fans and talent alike at times.

Although the matches may be staged, what goes on behind the scenes is as real as can be. The WWE squad has had a decades-long, covert “wrestlers court” where the talent clears the air with one another, usually over beer and pizza.

Gewirtz described the ritual as “having fun with someone while also making a serious point in the process.”

Gewirtz was the first-ever writer brought into the chambers. His crime? Devoting extra lines to then up-and-comers Edge and Christian in 2001. During the trial, he says the normally “fun” proceedings shifted “from ‘Anchorman’ to ‘Apocalypse Now.'”

The Undertaker took part in a special ritual called “wrestlers court” where the talent would privately air grievances. REUTERS

The Undertaker was judge; big, bad Kane acted as a bailiff protecting the defendant; and John “Bradshaw” Layfield was the prosecutor on behalf of the disgruntled wrestlers, particularly Funaki and Pat Patterson, who felt shortchanged.

“Dat little s–t, he f–ks with my matches. Changes da finishes!” Gewirtz recalled Patterson saying.

After an extended period of uncomfortable grilling, “Judge Undertaker, like he did to many an opponent, decided to mercifully end the suffering.”

“He found all three of us guilty,” Gewirtz writes. As part of his punishment, he was ordered to write a 2000-word essay on “why I respected the business,” and to take the wrestlers he supposedly dissed out for drinks.

The Rock insisted on writing his own lines

If there was one thing Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson didn’t mess around with, it was his dialogue for WWE. If there was another, it was taking jabs at fellow wrestlers.

“The Rock came up with all his famous catchphrases. When I first started, the Rock was already considered one of the best on the mic,” Gewirtz recalled in the book. “The Rock holds himself to an extremely high standard… ‘How can we do something no one’s ever done before? How do we raise the bar higher than it’s ever been?'”

In 2000, the Rock sought Gewirtz’s aid in coming up with some crushing words as he readied to take on arch nemesis Triple H. Gewirtz was quick to observe H’s verbal Achilles heel came in the form of “attaching a big ‘uhhh’ to his words.”

“I explained this all to Rock, and even imitated Triple H’s voice. Rock found it hilarious and wanted to use it in his promo with Triple H that night.”

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson once found Brian Gewirtz’s idea for mocking fellow wrestler Triple H to be hilarious.

When it came time to run the bit by HHH — who was a major rival and huge storyline for the Rock — he acted nonplussed and simply nodded and replied, “sounds good.”

“But I detected actual steam coming out of his ears,” Gewirtz wrote.

This (really) was the XFL

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson always insisted on writing his own lines for WWE.Marion Curtis/StarPix

McMahon’s 2001 attempt at a raunchier, more vicious professional football league, aptly called the XFL, goes down as one of the most colossal flops in all of sports. The creator took criticism of its sole season so personally that he almost attacked Bob Costas during a confrontational interview on the league’s shortcomings, much of which stemmed from lopsided matchups spewing poor ratings.

Gewirtz was involved in parts of the league and, according to him, there were problems from the start, beginning with the cheerleaders.

The ill-conceived concept behind the cheer team was that they had day jobs and were cheering at night simply for the thrill of it. The ladies were going to be shown on-camera transitioning from workwear such as doctor’s scrubs into cheer uniforms. The only problem was none of actually them had day jobs.

Triple H was once mocked by The Rock because of how he would often have “ums” in between his words while speaking.Getty Images

“I’m a dancer.” “I’m also a dancer!” “I’m a college student… who dances part-time!” Gewirtz remembers the cheer team saying at their first meet. With options limited, Gewirtz and colleague Bruce Prichard “decided to get creative.”

“One of the women said she recently got a puppy. ‘Great, you’re going to be a veterinarian,’ Bruce said. Another told us a story of how she recently contested a parking ticket. ‘Excellent! You’re now a lawyer!'”

The plan went forward and, like much of the XFL, was not warmly received.

There were also creative differences between McMahon and the rest of his staff, particularly over naming newly invented parts of the game.

The XFL football league became a true misstep for WWE.Bloomberg via Getty Images

The XFL replaced football’s traditional coin toss with a race between both teams to grab the ball placed at midfield for initial possession. Gewirtz said that McMahon and company would go in circles over the naming gimmick and even NBC executive Dick Ebersol was getting fed up.

In a room with the two honchos, Gewirtz ended up blurting out that they should call it “f–k a goat.” Instead of being reprimanded, Ebersol found it hilarious.

“Whenever I passed him in a hall or in a meeting, he’d look at me, smile and say, “Hey! F–k a goat!” I took an odd sense of pride in that. For the record we ended up simply calling it ‘the Scramble,’ which sounds more like something you’d order at Denny’s than a cutting-edge football innovation, but whatever.”

The Rock is set to relaunch the XFL in 2023.

Bob Barker partied and did karate with the writers

Bob Barker’s contribution to WWE was simply priceless.

In 2009, the late game-show host, who at the time was promoting a memoir and animal rights charity, was chosen to guest-host a round of Monday Night Raw. But Barker felt his charity was being slighted in the script and he summoned Gewirtz — who was drinking at a Chicago White Sox game at the time — and fellow writer Dave Kapoor to his hotel suite one evening to get his point across.

The “Price Is Right” host came out to greet the duo in only a silk robe and pajamas. He was ticked that a graphic for his charity was only going to be shown to internet viewers rather than everyone watching the televised event, according to the author.

Barker, who spoke with casual charm but serious demeanor, put Gerwitz in an unusual position — usurping McMahon’s creative authority.

“Normally at this point a writer would say, ‘Well, I know Vince liked it here, but let me make the suggestion to him and I’ll let you know if it changes.’ Again, it might’ve been the drinking, it might’ve been the need to impress, it might’ve been the power of the pajamas, but instead of saying that I simply replied: ‘You got it, Bob. It’s back in the show!'”

As soon as they settled the score like gentlemen, the writers joined Barker for some more drinks — and the TV legend showed off his fighting chops.

“From there it was a party! Dave Kapoor and I drinking wine with Bob Barker, who was now showing off karate moves in his silk pajamas.”