Hello, perv! Welcome to an article about Chris Hemsworth’s penis.
Don’t worry — no judgment. You’re safe here.
We are sure that you are a highly intelligent, highly respectable person who takes themself to be an avid reader of critical issues and current affairs.
But this isn’t one of those days and this isn’t one of those news stories.
Today, we’re throwing all sophistication out the window and doing a deep dive into the seemingly innocuous workout video posted by none other than the God of Thunder himself.
Fans claim they can see Chris Hemsworth’s member in a recent workout video. Chris Hemsworth/InstagramThe X-rated detail in Chris Hemsworth’s workout video
Chris Hemsworth’s recent Instagram reel begins like all his others. The shirtless star is sweating through an intense workout that includes boxing, push-ups and chin-ups and squats.
It’s all pretty standard stuff for the actor who is known for his gruelling training schedule. But then all of a sudden… ‘it’ appears during an exercise called a ‘jack-knife.’
Some people thought Chris Hemsworth might have a phone or post-workout snack in his pants. Chris Hemsworth/InstagramHemsworth lies on his back and crunches upwards to bring his foot up to reach his opposite hand.
As he’s doing this very serious maneuver, a massive bulge appears in his pants, quite literally out of nowhere. It wasn’t there in the previous exercise and it’s not there in the next… but for a fleeting five seconds, you can see his alleged penis.
We say ‘alleged’ because it’s uncertain whether or not it is his actual penis.
Because we like to be thorough, Kidspot has reached out to his agent for comment but hasn’t received a response.
The enigmatic bulge: An investigation
So in lieu of any formal confirmation from his team, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to uncover the truth by exploring other possible theories.
1. Our first theory is that the enigmatic bulge is in fact, socks.
We know what you’re thinking, how unimaginative. And you’re right — it’s almost too obvious. But hey, just because he’s one of the biggest hotties in the world doesn’t mean he can’t feel self-conscious about what he’s packing.
Unfortunately, this theory doesn’t hold up though, because why would he just stuff his pants with socks for one exercise and not all the others? Where’s the consistency?
Unless it was an oversight, but we’re sure a Hollywood actor would know better than that.
Other Eagle-eyes viewers alleged the actor had socks in his pants. Chris Hemsworth/Instagram2. Our second theory is that he has a hernia in his groin.
We’re no doctor, but we do know that the main symptom of this is a visible bulge in your groin area.
However, we doubt that he would have posted a video with it on full display, at least not without addressing it in the caption in the name of #awareness.
But, in the instance that he does have one, we wish him a speedy recovery and a hernia-free future.
Online viewers hashed out all the possible reasons for the star’s bulge. Chris Hemsworth/Instagram3. Our third theory is that it’s his phone
Of course, this whole ‘penis’ or ‘no penis’ debate could be settled by the fact it simply might just be his phone in his pocket.
Except, he has no pockets and his phone is likely being used to film the workout.
Case closed on that one then!
4. Our final theory is that it’s a post-workout banana
We all know that Chris Hemsworth has a strict diet to help him with his gains. So perhaps he’s just stashed a cheeky nana in his pants for a post-workout snack?
Who are we kidding? His private chef would whip him up something way better.
So, without further ado, we can conclude by deduction, WITH NEAR CERTAINTY, that the bulge in his pants… is indeed exactly what it looks like.
Chris Hemsworth’s workout routine isn’t the only thing that intrigued fans. Chris Hemsworth/InstagramWhy did Chris Hemsworth post this video?
But why did he feel the need to post that part of the clip? Were the jack-knives THAT essential to the overall video that he couldn’t possibly leave them out once he realised that he had aroused himself while working out?
We reckon he knew EXACTLY what he was doing with this clip.
And just because he’s a certified heartthrob, doesn’t mean he’s immune from wanting the superficial validation that comes with posting a thirst trap.
He’s only human, after all.
People likened the bulge to “Thor’s hammer,” referring to the weapon favored by his Marvel character. AP‘I swear I could see Thor’s hammer, lucky wife’
And the comments were well and truly delivered in giving him that validation. “Are we seeing it or just ignoring it?” one fan replied.
“Watched it multiple times… that last exercise I swear I could see Thor’s hammer, lucky wife,” someone else wrote.
And this person commented, “That um… um, last exercise… respectfully DAYUM.”
“Lord have mercy,” a fourth concluded.
