In an interview accompanying this month’s Vogue cover story, Zendaya holds forth on her ambitions, growing up in the spotlight and playing the relatable everygirl despite never having gone to high school.
The contrasts between her initial Disney TV on-screen persona, her reality growing up and the more adult roles she is now taking on are not lost on the actress.
“I’m always in a high school somewhere,” the now 27-year-old actress told Vogue about earlier roles. “And, mind you, I never went to high school.”
She called the move to more mature parts — like her upcoming tennis pro love triangle movie Challengers, which has a steamy second trailer — refreshing. She added that making the jump to that kind of was “kind of scary, because I was like, ‘I hope people buy me as my own age, or maybe a little bit older,’ because I have friends that have kids, or are having kids.”
The transition is important to her, and nerve-wracking.
“Now, when I have these moments in my career—like, my first time leading a film that’s actually going to be in a theater—I feel like I shrink,” observed Zendaya, “and I can’t enjoy all the things that are happening to me, because I’m like this” she says balling up her fists tightly. “I’m very tense, and I think that I carry that from being a kid and never really having an opportunity to just try sh*t. And I wish I went to school.”
Zendaya did, however, graduate from high school, and a public one at that. After moving to L.A. from Oakland, where she grew up, the actress attended Oak Park High School in Ventura County, which regularly ranks highly on those national “best schools” lists. She did independent study there, and seems to still be grappling with becoming a part of the business at such a young age.
Asked about her goals growing up, the actress turned reflective and told Vogue she’s not sure she felt she had much of a choice.
“It’s funny, because it’s something that I’m figuring out now. I don’t know how much of a choice I had. I have complicated feelings about kids and fame and being in the public eye, or being a child actor. We’ve seen a lot of cases of it being detrimental…And I think only now, as an adult, am I starting to go, ‘Oh, okay, wait a minute: I’ve only ever done what I’ve known, and this is all I’ve known.’ I’m almost going through my angsty teenager phase now, because I didn’t really have the time to do it before. I felt like I was thrust into a very adult position: I was becoming the breadwinner of my family very early, and there was a lot of role-reversal happening, and just kind of becoming grown, really.”
She added she felt pressure to be “this perfect being, and be everything that everyone needs me to be, and live up to all these expectations.”
