As both the NCAA Tournament, now enriched by six-year “graduate” transfers, and Passover both approach, I’m reminded of first-night Seder meals and the tradition not allowing strangers to dine alone.
So one day, a blind man is invited to Seder. As the sheets of matzoh are passed along, he takes one then runs his fingers over it with a curious expression on his face.
Finally he says, “Who wrote this junk?”
Yes, who?
The NCAA Tournament now annually comes attached to endless commercials for Capital One credit cards. They star Charles Barkley, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee and occasionally Jim Nantz.
What they also have in common is that they’re designed to be clever yet are excruciatingly unfunny, even stupid. Lee regularly appears to be awkward and uneasy, an obligatory presence for no attractive reason.
And the NCAA-centric ones come flying at us, non-stop, for nearly a month. That four men of national celebrity are employed to encourage viewers to run up credit card debt so that they can be charged escalating interest only furthers the curiosity as to why these commercials exist, persist and are deemed worthy of our attention all day and all night for more than three weeks.
Who writes these scripts? Who approves them? Who directs and produces such hopeless matter? Are they the best they can do? They’re painful to endure. Isn’t Kevin Harlan’s indiscriminate in-game screaming enough of a burden to suffer?
But why ask such questions of advertisers when the same “What the heck were you thinking?” questions can be asked of United States presidential candidates?
Video grabs from Capitol One commercials with Charles Barkley, Jennifer Garner, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee and Magic Johnson. YouTubeLast week Robert F. Kennedy Jr. publicly declared he has Jesse Ventura — former governor of Minnesota between a career in service to the most sordid empire in the TV entertainment business, Vince Mahon’s pro wrestling and XFL nethwerworlds — in mind as his vice president candidate.
Geez! Ventura, on one of McMahon’s salacious TV shows, even made an inside crack about Mel Phillips’s pedophilia. Phillips, a McMahon “ring boss,” was widely known throughout McMahon’s kingdom as a pied piper who attracted kids — minors — without parental constraints, to travel to events so he could sexually abuse them.
Spike Lee, Charles Barkley and Samuel L. Jackson in s Capital One commercial.Ten minutes — maybe less — of research might have awakened Kennedy to Ventura’s winks and nods as a willing party to what was going on for decades, including the on-the-job sudden drug deaths — steroids, opiates, amphetamines, suicides — and casting coach sexual misadventures on McMahon’s watch and even urging.
Was Kennedy or Ventura unaware that McMahon’s traveling ring doctor was sentenced to hard time for illegal drug distribution?
Yet, Kennedy had the temerity — or was it unmitigated ignorance? — to declare Ventura his ideal for vice president of the United States.
But our presidents have long held a populist regard for the most dubious acts among famous athletes.
President Bush, the first, appointed Arnold Schwarzenegger chairman of the president’s Council on Physical Fitness. That Schwarzenegger’s bodybuilding world championships were predicated on steroid use, again, would have taken 10 minutes of research to discover.
It’s highly unlikely anyone would have even heard of Schwarzenegger without his steroid use.
Donald Trump, not a white supremacist but a self-supremacist, proudly served McMahon’s sordid pay-per-view ventures despite warnings that he was playing stupid to pure, drug, death and sexual evil. Trump was proudly installed into McMahon’s WWE/WWF Hall of Fame.
The most unpopular female athlete in recent memory is foul-mouthed, me-firster, bad-winner, national anthem-kneeler Megan Rapinoe. Those who couldn’t indulge her misanthropic behavior throughout a soccer World Cup actually rooted against the U.S. team in large part due to her presence. And she was the team’s captain.
No matter, President Biden bestowed her the nation’s highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, in a White House ceremony.
Joe Biden presents US soccer player Megan Rapinoe with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, during a ceremony honoring 17 recipients, in the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC. AFP via Getty ImagesTen minutes of research — or just taking the nation’s pulse? — could have spared Biden and all the rest of us this outrageous fortune and national insult.
Then again, Biden has made it clear that a team of biological males trouncing and throwing around biological females in womens’ basketball games, among other sports, meets with his total approval.
By the way, my first applicable lesson in fiscal responsibility came when I had to repay my college loan — $51.95 a month for 10 years. That’s a total of $6,234 — a lot of dough when I was bringing home 85 bucks a week.
Now, if Joe Biden wants to send me a check for $6,234 he has my vote.
Networks’ goal should be to find more like ex-goalie Schneider
Cory Schneinder, former Devils and Islanders goalie, has quickly become a valued member of the NHL Network’s studio shows. He’s a pleasant, self-deprecating raconteur, humorous and thoughtful.
He’s what’s needed within same-old-stuff NFL and MLB pregame shows. But only the biggest names, regardless of value, are eligible for such roles.
We keep hearing and reading that Giants defense end Kayvon Thibodeaux, with 11.5 sacks, had a superb season. Those who watched every Giants game must’ve missed that, thus another case of believing what we’re told rather than what we see.
Giants defensive end Kayvon Thibodeaux goes up against Cincinnati Bengals guard Hakeem Adeniji (77) during a preseason game at MetLife Stadium on August 21, 2022. Danielle Parhizkaran/NorthJersey.com / USA TODAY NETWORKThibodeaux, last season, appeared to be an on-field no-show in several games. Even Fox’s Daryl “Moose” Johnston, not one to knock players, remarked during a Giants telecast, that Thibodeux had “disappeared.”
Rangers coverage lacks range
MSG’s Rangers duo of Sam Rosen and Joe Micheletti remains stuck in the obvious. “Good effort,” “Nice save,” “Good poke check.”
We want more. What kind of practices does Peter Laviolette run? Has he a sense of humor? Is low-keyed, do-it-all Adam Fox recognized on the street? How did center Jake Leschyshyn, with a last name that sounds Eastern European, make it to the NHL after he was born in Raleigh, N.C.?
Sam Rosen, Bill Pidto and Joe Micheletti attend MSG Networks’ 2014-15 Season Kickoff at Catch Roof. Getty ImagesIt’s TV. We can see. So give us something beyond the ordinary.
Congratulations to 26-year-old Manhattan College guard DeJuan Clayton for successfully suing the NCAA to allow him to play his eighth season for four different schools. He previously played for Cal, Hartford and Coppin State.
Given that his bio reads that he graduated Coppin State with a degree in social sciences in 2020, had I been the judge, I’d have ruled that it’s time he got on with the rest of his life.
All-sports ESPN continues to prove that it can’t intelligently address any sport.
Last week it listed free agent NFL quarterbacks, providing their won-loss records, including Trevor Lawrence, “10 wins, 20 losses,” which has eliminated him from Cy Young Award consideration.
